For the past few days I have been dealing with stress and anxiety a lot! It has come to the point where don’t even recognise the problem, and when someone points it out to me, I panic.
I can’t sleep at night, every time I close my eyes, my Nan’s image flashes before my eyes. I have horrible nightmares of her death. My anxiety is taking over me. I can’t talk to new people because I feel they are judging me by the way I look or because my accent is different. It has come to the point where I don’t want to get out of the house, afraid; people will judge me for the way I dress. I don’t comment on posts anymore because I am afraid my English will be judged.
My days are not going well. Everything gets me sad or depressed all I dream of is going to join my Nan. I know that is not possible, and everybody has to deal with pain, but how much? Is there a full stop? Does the suffering ever end?
The only temporary way of ending my suffering is by reading. Reading the characters problems eases my soul so much.
I am only 15 and I have experienced so much suffering. Well at least I am prepared for the future.
One of my greatest suffering is my nonexistent relationships. There was him, but there is another guy. I had real feelings for him, or at least I thought I did. Yeah I know he has a girlfriend, he loves her. Heck! She is probably not as annoying as me and she is freaking pretty. He literally called me fake.
Every single time the old one, hurt me I decided not to fall in the cycle again, but I did this to me. I promised myself not to fall in the cycle but I did.
I had convinced myself that I am not capable of a relationship. I need something strong to build up my walls, they are only half built.
-excerpt from something basic and something non basic
( This is not about anybody in particular!!)